New relationships are not all plain sailing. Particularly when your girl has been Captain of her own ship for a bit too long. Here’s a guide of what to look out for, avoid and embrace.
1. Sharing food is tough. Or just doesn’t happen.
“Made for sharing” packs mean nothing to singletons.
2. She’ll spend A LOT of time on her phone.
It’s been a comfort blanket, and habits are hard to break.
3. She’s not quite got the hang of manicuring her lady garden.
It’s been the only thing keeping her warm all the time she was single. Forgive her.
4. You’ll immediately be invited to wedding, christenings, funerals… Anywhere her family will be.
No more awkward questions from aunties or smug looks from coupled up cousins.
5. She takes up all the room in the bed.
Star-fishing in the bed has had nothing to do with the chocolate variety. (Bonus tip – that is a no-no. Eeeeew.)
6. Going out with the girls is regular.
Don’t expect her to ditch the ones who’ve got her through the despair of the last however long.
7. There may be trust issues.
This comes in two parts…
A) The reason she’s been single is that her last boyf cheated. You’ll need to explain your whereabouts/activities constantly.
B) She’s far too used to being single and just can’t stop snogging the face off everyone in sight.
Walls, bedding, kettles, towels, cushions, bath mat. There’s been no one to stop her.
9. She’ll have no interest in Top Gear or Man vs Food.
It’s purely Kardashians and Real Housewives. Get used to it. Or get Sky Multi-room.
10. Sitting watching TV with her right hand on her left boob, or cupping her mooie.
It’s just comfy. Not sexual. We do that in private.
11. Lazy days.
It’s Saturday. There are no plans. What’s the point of getting dressed? Or brushing her teeth? There is none. Buy her some chewing gum and get over it.
12. There will be handfuls of hair on the shower wall.
There’s no point getting it off if no one can see it. But now you can see it. She will stop eventually. Maybe.
13. If you snore, you will be woken.
By a very angry girl who has been used to sleeping in peace and quiet.
Written by Derrie / PerfectlyCommon