1. “You’re so uptight.” I may like to be in control, but just because I don’t want a beer doesn’t mean I can’t relax or don’t like fun.
2. “Come on, live a little.” I am! Alcohol isn’t the only way to do so.
3. “All I want is to see you drunk.” Sorry to crush your dreams, but that’s not happening. And if that’s all you want in life, it’s time to aspire for more.
4. “I’m going to get you to drink.” No, you’re not, the same way I’m not going to get you not to drink. People get to make their own decisions, and trying to change mine on alcohol will be a failed endeavor.
5. “Is it for religious reasons?” Whether it is or isn’t, I don’t think my refusing a beer should prompt an interrogation on my lifestyle.
6. “How are you doing this right now sober?” You’re actually asking me how I’m talking to people at a party sober? Really? Surely you have too at some point. I don’t know when this became a feat.
7. “You must think I’m such a mess.” No, I don’t think you are such a mess because you are drinking and I’m not.
8. “Aren’t you curious?” No. If I were curious, I’d get myself a drink.
9. “I will get you a drink!” Gee, thanks, but save your $10 or however much that overpriced cocktail is.
10. “Do you think you’re better than us?” Alcohol’s a beverage, not a measure of moral superiority (or inferiority). So no, I just don’t want to drink.
11. “You must hate being places where people are drunk.” If I hated being somewhere, I’d leave.
12. “So what do you do then if you don’t drink?” The same thing you do minus a beer in hand: go to bar, clubs, parties, etc. You can still go out and party drinking water.
13. “Don’t you feel like you’re missing out?” If I felt like I was missing out, I’d drink. Plus, you tell me stories of how hungover you are the next day, and it sounds pretty miserable, so I’m happy to pass on that.
14. “How old are you? Are you even 21?” It’s flattering you think I look young, but yes, my ID does say I’m over 21, and yes, it’s real. And if high school parties are any indicator, drinking isn’t all too revealing of age anyway.
15. “What? Are you scared of it?” I’m just not interested actually, but it’s scary how intense your pressuring is getting.
16. “Oh, we didn’t invite you because you don’t drink and we thought you’d be bored.”That’s pretty harsh and untrue. If I felt that way, I wouldn’t come, but I actually wanted to see you because you’re my friends (so act like them).
17. “Your not drinking makes it hard for me to relate to you.” Try to get to know me, and I’m pretty sure you’d relate somewhere.
18. “You must have so much dirt on everyone, watching us sober.” Of course, my favorite hobby is to collect blackmail and is the sole reason I don’t drink. Actually, I’m not judging. Please stop judging me.
19. “You must be so against this stuff.” Just because I don’t want to have a drink doesn’t means I’m against alcohol entirely and think it’s the worst thing. It’s wonderful for people who enjoy it. I just happen not to.
20. “I don’t drink that much usually! Really!” You don’t have to justify your drinking to me just because I’m not.
21. “But really, why don’t you? Won’t you? Please?” You can keep asking, but the answer is going to remain no. I’m just going to get more annoyed when you say it.
22. “Don’t be lame!” Oh no! The threat of being uncool! Grab me five shots pronto! (But really don’t.)